BY MICAH EMEM ESSIEN
Anxiety is an ever-present force. It disguises very often as an energy discerning booster, but could very well turn out to be a rather unfortunate hindrance. Undoubtedly, anxiety can be a very normal occurrence or experience, but only in a few cases and situations and for certain periods. Everyone has had a bout of anxiety at one point or the other. For some, it’s just fleeting, passes after a few sweaty minutes of “gaining momentum”; for others, it takes the second or the third time to charm anxiety away. However, for a large population of over 264 Million worldwide, anxiety is akin to an imaginary friend, the kind you don’t outgrow at will.
Anxiety. Photo: 123rfx
Anxiety is a very common feeling for most while for an estimated number of people it is a disorder, one that vehemently and purposefully alters the waking moments, the day to day of each individual. The feeling varies, as well as the circumstances. Situations surrounding a certain happening could very well be a triggering factor to how a person perceives and reacts to his or her own anxiety. Without those issues being pointed out and attempts made at curbing it, anxiety only festers and becomes a constant. Anxiety affects everything. The one place where it affects the most, without realisation is in relationships. Many people go into relationships with traumas from a past situation, one that could very well not be resolved with just a session or a moment of emotional communication to let the devils out. It goes way deeper, becoming a mental situation. Anxiety in relationships is the third party no one knows about. Greatly underestimated, the only way to be rid of it is to actually confront it like you would anything else. Just like facing your fears and telling it you are more than capable and you are much more than your failures, you need to see and speak to anxiety in the same manner. Know what it is and speak to it in a like manner.
Characteristics Of The Third Party
Like every other thing that causes disorders, imbalances, and life-threatening altercation, anxiety loves misery. And for the moment it stays with you, it loves you so much that the moment you begin to entertain anyone or anything that will upset the bond you both share, it begins to get antsy. It feels you are too good for all of that and does everything in its power to make you know just how much you are neglecting its feelings. The moment you find someone who is stable enough to love you, anxiety reminds you that no one knows you better than it. Anxiety has become your soul mate, bar the blood covenant.
Anxiety could very well be the greatest narcissist. Extremely manipulative, would stop at nothing to show you that someone who has it together is better off than you would ever be, and all the while you are very well in a relationship of your own, but still, anxiety would make you feel like it is not enough and you are not deserving of it. It is very entitled to your space and sense of reasoning. Mocks you for thinking you deserve better, knowing fully well there are things your partner does not know about you just yet because you have concluded that he or she would not stay if they knew this side of you, so rather than be vulnerable, you give in to the sadistic tendency of wallowing in hate and disgust at the mercy of the ever dominant anxiety.
Very unrelenting, it would mock you for your lack of strength and when you do show some, it laughs in your face and tells you just how you are not strong enough, and never will be. It will even give you pointers on just how to try harder and make you look stupid when you eventually do. In relationships, it is even harder because nothing you do will ever be perfect. When you have a voice in your head telling you just how (inevitably) you are going to mess up or not measure up, it leaves no room for growth and happiness.
Anxiety, when it progresses to becoming a disorder, is not to be taken lightly. In relationships, it could very well leave a mark, on both parties, one that will never go away very quickly, and in most cases, never. As much as we want a partner that understands, we must want to be rid of it as well. And most times, an understanding partner should know when to ask for help on our behalf so as not to escalate the case or situation. That, in itself, is an act of love.