There is a hush about talks of sex in African countries. Sex is seen as something very provocative, and talks about it will lead one to hell as we have been told earnestly since childhood.
I remember, in the year 2015 when I tried bringing up a conversation with my mum about something I heard from a course mate of mine. This course mate of mine will be addressed as Cynthia for the purpose of this story.
Cynthia was not from a Christian home like I was and she was very expressive. She was older than me no doubt, but the amount of expertise she had in all things sexual was intriguing to me as I had next to no experience prior to meeting her.
In our talks, she told me about a man who lives adjacent to her street. She said this man would come pick her from school anytime she closes and would take her to a hotel where they would drink alcohol and she will touch him in places she had only fantasized about when seeing movies.
She told me of sex positions she had tried out; missionary, doggy, 6-9, etc. She went into detailed description of what all of these entailed and how much she enjoyed the whole episode with the man. I would rather not go into that aspect, no thank you. Some of us are still virgins at heart. I wouldn’t want to open the dam of repressed sexual urges kept from the limelight religiously.
She brought up different aspects of dick sucking styles she had tried with him; deep throttle, shallow throttle, and more that I can’t even remember right now.
I had always thought that she did all this to get money from the man because I assumed she was from a poor family. On her insistence that I visit her, I was awed at the lavishness and ostentation her house possessed. From the security manned at the gate, to the number of cars parked inside the house, let me not even talk about the gigantic building the house possessed. All of it showed she was very well to do and her parents were remarkably rich.
It made me wonder why she had the man who obviously had high libido power. I mean who goes to see somebody one is sexually involved with nearly on a daily, without having the thought of at least heavy make out session in mind which may or may not lead to sex. Yea! Maybe I’m overreacting but to me, it’s the truth.
Okay long story short, I asked my friend why she was involved with the man and was always anticipating his coming for her. I mean the man spends on her yes, and she always rambles about what he got for her from his trip to this country or that country. One would think she was new to all of those treats when listening to her. I mean I thought so as well until I went to her house and saw pictures of her and her family in different countries around the world.
Her response to me was that I would understand her better if I only agree to come to her house. It took series of planning for me to finally make an attempt to convince my dad I needed to see my friend as she had been coming to my place as well overtime whenever she drops me off from school.
My dad was very skeptical because to him, she wasn’t great company. Even with my mum’s intervention, I still couldn’t convince him. So I connived with my mum and snuck out of the house. I mean a girl has got to do what she has got to do. I couldn’t allow myself not know the intricacies behind Cynthia’s lifestyle no matter what. They say “curiosity kills the cat”. I would say that was me in many ways; always wanting to know.
Cynthia took me to her room after showing me around the rather grandiose house and introducing me to her parents. I went in with her and was stupefied by the awesomeness of it; with the walk-In closets that was equivalent to my room back home, to the bathroom that was everything sophistication, to the bedpost which was like those I see in movies, to the interior décor in the room, to the view outside a rather extensive balcony, everything was just perfect. My interest in knowing more about the lifestyle she chose was piqued the more.
She opened a door I didn’t even know existed upon how much I had looked around the room. It was kind of dark in the room the door led to, so she turned on the light as we stepped in. I was flabbergasted as to the amount of sex toys she had in there. It would triple the number of people present in an auction sale if put out for advertisement, I am sure.
She had everything from Wand vibrators, Clitoral vibrators, Clit suction toys, Dildos, Butt plugs, G-spot toys, A-spot toys, Rabbit Vibrators, Prostate toys, Anal beads, Cock rings, Glass and mental wands, Clitoral stimulators, Clandestine devices ,etc etc. Now don’t ask me how I know this; I did my research for sures .
Cynthia was very in tune with her body and believed every woman should be the same too. She saw herself as one who takes when she wants and gives when she wants. She masturbates with those toys I found in the room and her parents are very understanding so they made the room sound proof. She loves sex and the pleasure she derives from it no doubt, but she is in full control of when and how she gets it.
It was a bit confusing to me at first because I knew the ‘man’ always came for her after school and I brought it up for her to elaborate upon. She said they were just like on a contract basis in a way but they were not exclusive. She takes care of his need and he does hers as well but they are both completely free to see other people.
I wondered about the consequences of such action; physically, emotionally, spiritually, and medically. She then said something to me that struck me and I quote “Women everywhere are living in bondage. They have sexual desires they keep repressing due to parental influence and religion. I strongly believe that when a woman can go after what she wants damning all odds, she has achieved the hallmark of her sexuality and has defied the boundary placed on women restricting them from making decisions of such nature”. This brings me back to my conversation with my mum.
I had not even gone deep into all that went on with Cynthia when she diverted into scriptural illustrations. I tried making her understand I knew all of this and that she should just be very objective about this sex issue without bringing the scripture into it. She was quick to shut me up and told me to guard my heart with all diligence as the scriptures state in Proverbs 4:23.
Now, I don’t blame her for trying to bring everything back to the scripture. I mean I do believe in God and everything the scripture says but I also believe in women making decisions that favor them, by them, and for them. Not because they are under obligation to family, culture, race, or religion.
If I decide to have sex or not, it should be because I have considered the pros and cons of it and I have come to that decision myself not because of the constraint of religion. If I decide to use other means of achieving sexual gratification asides sex, it should be my decision to make and I should not be put under pressure for what I have decided to do. If it backfires on me, I should bear the brunt of my decision.
I would rather my parents allow me make mistakes and correct me with love instead of putting me down and making me listen to friends who may or may not be scripture savvy like we are in matters like sex and relationships which I really want to know about. My parents should support me in everything because of the love they have for me and not reduce the spirit of independence I am trying to build by constantly judging my every action, all because they want to me to continue in the line of sexual purity they preach about.
This also applies to other things like my career path, relationship choice, and other life goals. I know that they want the best for me and I know they love me and want me to be a better version of themselves. But, just like my friend Cynthia, I would prefer they allow me make certain decisions myself and be as objective as possible in sensitive matters instead of just going by the rules of society and religion.
